Shinra Fan Club Goes Amuck

-Edgar Figaro

Valiant efforts by the Shinra fan club to tear down llama statues across the nation were ended today by local vigilantes calling themselves the Italian Pipe men. Police were later called to the scene by an individual only after the person witnessed fluent spitting and impressive use of the word "got". 

"Mobs are one thing" stated the officer who first entered the scene, "but when you start doing what these kids did, it just saddens me, it had to be stopped."

Unavailable for comment, President Rufus Shinra did send a letter to the editor stating:

"Although we encourage the preaching...er, fan clubbing of the Shinra Fan Club, we are not in any involved. Atta boy lads!"

The Llama statues, which were placed in honor of the majestic Llama of Artichokeistan, were quickly polished and smiled upon by many onlookers.

"I think kids are spoiled, that's the problem!" stated a nearby elderly denizen, "in MY day, we didn't have Llama statues!" The citizen continued to rant..."Pigeon statues is what we had! Two feet tall, slanting uphill on both sides, bah!"

The recent actions by the Shinra fan club have raised issues among many concerned parents, feeling that not enough daily Llama interaction is taking place at home. A new bill, amendment 28.25 has been placed before the senate. The new bill will make Llama preaching legal in public schools, so long as fruit cake and other intoxicants are kept out of the classroom.

"You want a quote? I got yer quote RIGHT HERE!"