An Interview with Yuffie

-Edgar Figaro

I had an exclusive chance to talk to Yuffie, supporting cast member of Final Fantasy 7. When I caught up to Yuffie, she was already in a quite "peculiar" mood, so I approached her carefully....

Tao: "I stepped on your flowers accidentally, Yuffie."

After chasing me away with a wooden leg, Yuffie DID give me a sound bite, "You can tell that bitch Tifa I'm not selling, you hear!! I'm not selling!!"

Getting into my car, I couldn't help but wonder what Yuffie meant. So, in a drunken state, I drove steadily toward Tifa's house. I caught up to Tifa while she was JUST pulling into her house.

Tao: "Tifa! A moment of your time!"

Tifa: "Damn...FINE. I charge $25, flat rate..."

Tao: "Um.. heh heh..no. I meant, can I talk to you?"

Tifa, Blushing : " OH, heh, sure."

Tao: "When I talked to Yuffie, she spoke of selling her house, what was that?"

Tifa: "Her house? God no! Why would I want some shitty Dojo! I want to buy her leg!"

Tao: "her leg? But why?"

At this point, Tifa only smiled at me, I could hear her giggling uncontrollably. I stood up and began to walk away....

After a quick taco, I sped off to the last day of E3, where I went to check up on how Sony was coming along. After getting bounced twice, I decided to sneak in.

it appears Sony has decided to go yet another path. Included in the upcoming PSX2 package will be the furbie 2000, a small fuzzy Furbie look-alike that taunts you as you play, heightening your adrenaline. Sony then later learned that people too often paused the game just to kick the shit outta Furbie (I should know, the little fuzz ball crunches NICELY!). A little bit later, disgruntled Atari fascists ran into the auditorium, carrying banners which said absolutely nothing and shirts with Hanson on them. They were quickly dealt with and brutally beaten....okay, they got kicked out, but if you ask me they needed PROMPT ass whooping.

Also, it seems that long dead company Coleco might make a run at the market as they unveiled the ColecoVision 3000. The spokesperson was quoted as saying "hee hee! We're so smart! We'll win! hah hah ha! Sony will NEVER know! LOL" Upon being asked WHAT Sony won't know, the spokesman replied in a mad glee "WE stole the whole f**cking system, that's what!! LOL....wait....damn." Sony soon delivered quick justice as the spokesman was beaten wildly with wet hair.

"I can see the future! Pet alligators my boy! we'll make a fortune!" -Howard of RARE.